Darkness of Depression
I’m not sure how many people in the world suffer from depression…I know it’s a whole lot. I know that I’ve dealt with this condition off and on for most of my life.
If you currently…or have ever experienced it…you know exactly what I mean by darkness. It’s like the most overwhelming feelings and thoughts of heaviness and darkness take over your every move…every though…and every action.
For the most part…I can fight back against it…push it back under the rug…hide from it’s weight. But then, I have weeks like I’ve had for about a month now…where it takes over me…It sneaks up on me…and consumes me. When it catches me off guard, I have trouble overcoming it. I know to be watching for it…when the days begin to get shorter…but this time…I never saw it coming. I spent the better part of the end of summer and beginning of autumn with my husband in Montana…and I really never saw it happening….I’m not sure it did like most years. This time…I felt fine, full of energy and “normal” ( I’ve always heard NORMAL is a setting on the washer)…lol
We came home for Thanksgiving…and I knew that I would be staying, and Dave would have to go back to Montana. I expected it. I think what I DIDN’T expect…was to come home very sick and run down from a severe kidney infection. Then we gave our baby…and only daughter’s hand in marriage. Although I absolutely LOVE my SIL…it’s more emotional than I expected. Many of you know that I stay on pain therapy and immune suppressing medications for rheumatoid Arthritis and my chronic back pain. I guess that’s why it was so easy for the Kidney infection to get out of control. Anyway….I guess the combination of all these things…took me over. Paralyzed me….and as if you haven’t noticed…stopped all my creativity and drive. So…here I’ve sat…in the darkness….motionless…literally.
I felt like I needed to tell y’all about this…because I know…although most of you signed up to follow me for projects…I know some of you need to know…you’re not alone. I need to know that sometimes. My doctor once told me that anxiety and depression were more common…than the common cold. I was shocked. I had no idea that so many people suffered from this condition. At least I really wasn’t crazy…Okay…maybe I am…but not from that! lol
I have tried for two weeks now…almost non-stop to pull myself out of this funk…without any success….and I just want y’all to know…I’m grateful for those of you have stuck this out, even though the only thing you’re getting in your mailbox right now is our weekly linky party…and I know that while some of you love them…not everyone does…and I appologize for letting y’all down. But I just love y’all so much for staying with me…and waiting this out…and I promise…this too shall pass. I will over come it…I just have to get my strategy figured out…and find the switch. Wouldn’t it be awesome…if there was just a switch on the wall that we could flip…and make the depression go away? Man…how wonderful life would be.
Here’s what I’m doing…that generally works for me…not always as fast as I’d like…but eventually…it works:
- Pray. I know this isn’t for everyone…but God has always pulled me up…sometimes just not in the timing I’d like…but he knows what he’s doing.
- Exercise. This one has become increasingly difficult with my physical limitations…but even just getting up and stretching helps.
- Listen to music. I guess there isn’t a specific kind that does more for me…just peppy music of some kind. I try to stay away from my mushy love songs when I’m feeling this way… 😀 AND dance…just like the saying goes: Like nobody’s watching. 😀
- Socialize. Get out…and go be with your friends…laughter…and socializing does a body good. Your true friends are there for you…learn to let them help you through this. I know I’m guilty of not sharing and “burdening” my buddies with my problems…and when they find out…they gripe me out every time…YOU’RE NOT A BURDEN!!
- Find a hobby that makes you happy. Make something…that you can show off to your friends and family…and only show it to the ones that lift you up. If you have people around you…that can’t be supportive…it only makes depression worse….lose them…and stick to the ones that help you!
- Take a drive in the country. Sometimes…just getting out of your daily rut…and spending time out away from the hustle and bustle of real life…helps. Enjoy a country sunset…or look at mine!
- Volunteer. I have found, that helping others…that have less than you…makes you feel good. Makes you grateful for what you have. One of the most humbling things I do…is go to my neurologist’s office. I can really get down about my problems…till I see all his patients…that are so much worse off than I am. BIG OLE HUNK OF HUMBLE PIE!! Good for the soul AND the spirit.
- Talk to your pastor. If you are faithful, visit with your pastor…or an elder from your church. They sometimes know exactly where to draw wisdom to feed your spirit…..LET THEM.
That’s pretty much all I have for now. These are some of the things that I do to try to over come my depression…I hope they help you.
If you’re suffering…please feel free to email me and visit with me. I’m not promising that I’ll have the answers…but I DO understand what you’re going through…and I’ll listen.
I have a few really good things coming up this week…THANK GOODNESS I got them done before this hit. I have a cookie exchange…and an ornament project this week…and then…I have some AMAZING guest posts coming up too. Stick with me…I’m gonna get through this…and if you’re suffering…you will too…we’ll help each other!
Mostly…thank y’all so much for sticking by me! Have an awesome day!
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Just want to tell you, you will be in my prayers. OCD worrying is my “thorn”…, but God is faithful to give help, though as you said, not always as soon as we’d like.
Fran, Thank you so much for your prayers. I always have a “pause” moment before I hit the publish button on these type of posts. It’s difficult to share sometimes…but I also feel compelled to tell y’all what I’m going through. I remember when I first started having issues with depression…I felt so alone. I hope this helps people to not feel like they are. OCD and depression and anxiety often go hand in hand…and it’s as difficult in it’s own ways as depression. I will keep you in my prayers also! I’m so glad you are here! Have a wonderful week.
I am praying for you Tammy and all your readers that commmented that also are suffering. I know God is faithful! Would appreciate prayers also.
I think this time of year can be difficult. It is hard to live up to the expectations and when you fall short it can be such a let down. Hang in there Dawn!! I will be thinking of you.
Marilyn, Yes…the holidays are difficult for many people. They usually cheer me up…but I know that I have a lot of support and love from all of y’all…and it means the world to me! Thank you so much! 😀
Tammy,You are the sweetest thing and i pray you are better in the morning when you get up !I will kept you in my prayers.I just love the way you end with Love ya:ll Tammy and i love you too.I fell like we know each other and we are all Gods Children.Hugs,Peggy
Peggy, How precious! I felt better the moment I began to read my replies and emails….it’s so wonderful to be blessed with such awesome readers. I have lost a few from this…but I feel like God keeps the ones that I need…and that love me here. Thank you so much for being so precious to me! 😀 Have a wonderful week.
oh my Dear, I feel bad for you, and wish I could send some happiness clouds your way. So I will keep you in my prayers and as you said all will go by and better days will come. The sun will be shining soon again. By the way, try to get sunshine whenever the sun is out, just sitting in the sun for 30 minutes a day could make a huge difference it is certainly worth trying…… I strongly believe in getting some serious sunshine daily if possible not for hours but a good 1/2 hour is very useful.
in prayer
Edith
Awe…thanks Edi…it would be nice if we could share happiness that way wouldn’t it. I know that things will get better…I’m just praying for sooner…than later. Thanks so much for your kind words. 😀
I know exactly how you are feeling because I am in this funk with you. I don’t have arthritis, I have neuropathy. My daughter got married in November. I have been in a funk since then. I do pray ( for my children’s happiness) and I try to participate in a yoga class. I am best friends with my husband and that usually helps but not this time. I know you are right, I always overcome this, but right now I don’t care. I just want to lay down and be by myself. Take care and I will think of you as I try to pull myself up.
Thank you Becky…and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers also. Yes…I’m best friends with my hubby…and I think him going back to Montana was the topper on my proverbial cake. I miss him so much when we’re apart…I just desperately want to get our housing situation in line. Thanks again for your kind words…Have a great week!
Tammy,
I have added your name to our prayer list….along with others who share depression including close family members of mine. Your courage in speaking out is so important because it lets others know that they are not alone. Praying for this dark veil to be lifted and that you will feel better soon. The suggestions you have made are very helpful as well. “For I have a plan for you…a plan to prosper you and not to harm you.” Jermiah 29:11
Be Blessed,
Sue
Thank you Sue. I appreciate that! I know through the strength of numbers…that our prayers will be heard. Thank you so much for thinking of me..and for your prayers…I Love all of y’all for being so precious!
Oh Tam, I know exactly how you are feeling. I have suffered from anxiety/depression since I was a child. It manifested in different ways at different ages, but became severe when I was pregnant with my first. There was even a period of time when I didn’t leave the house/yard for nearly 5 years and on the rare occasion that I did it was a nightmare. Holding it together and pretending all is fine is a Herculean task. In the 70’s the only option was Valium and I had two babies–no way! Depression is even more difficult than the anxiety–the physically ill feeling, the exhaustion, I don’t even want to list all the symptoms–too depressing LOL! You are not alone girl, I am so sorry that I have been so involved with things here that I didn’t notice your absence. I haven’t spent my normal amount of time on FB and wasn’t aware that you weren’t as active as usual. That would have been a sign to me that something was up. If you need an “ear” or “shoulder” I’m here and will inbox my phone number (I have free long distance -send me yours) I went on medication when I was 35 and the last 20 years have been wonderful in comparison. Finally found a “balance” between two meds and I feel great! By the way–illness (especially viruses for me) used to trigger severe bouts of depression for me–And I became depressed after my daughter’s wedding too–all that busy and planning and anticipation and then “boom” over in a flash! I adore my son-in-law and they are my back fence neighbors to boot! Still, I crashed. You are SOOOO not alone. Luv you Karen
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Karen,
I’m so sorry that you too have to struggle with this battle. I am on anti-depressants…and have been since they discovered my physical issues. My doctors say that this is one of the first things they do for their patients with chronic pain. They recently raised my dosage…and I was hoping that it would help. Thank you so much…and yes…we need to visit. Love ya!
I feel you pain, I too have been suffering through depression more times then I can count through 30+years. The thing I too have learned is that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, the steps you use are so very important for even when we feel good to continual to use. One of the most important things I do is just turn this over to God because her will prevail. I will keep you in my daily prayers.
God Bless You,
Denise
Denise,
I’m sorry. I wouldn’t wish this problem on anyone. Depression is one of those areas that we just haven’t been able to find a really good fix for. I know that much of it…we can do for ourselves…but I also believe that much of this is out of our control. I will keep you in my prayers also…Thank you so much for your sweet words!
Thank you for baring your soul, Tammy. I know that it can be hard to talk about our emotional well being and that there are many misconceptions and stigma surrounding depression. I also suffer from depression and anxiety. I went a long time saying I’d never end up on meds but eventually I did and they have helped me be a more active participant in my own life, if that makes sense. I still have my ups and downs and yes, it does help people feel less alone when you share your story, so thank you! I hope you are feeling better in time to enjoy the holidays.
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It is difficult. I really take a long deep breath…and a pause before I can hit the publish button on these types of posts. I know that other people are going through this…and for some reason…I know they need to hear that they aren’t alone. I’m so sorry that anyone has to go through it. I too have learned to be more active in the treatment of my illnesses…even this one. It’s difficult to understand why we put such a stigma on mental health problems. I think it’s because there is no outward signs…so people who have never had a problem with it…don’t understand it. I don’t understand it…and I DO suffer from it. Medications have come a long way…and I know that this is something that I may need to adjust a little more before we get it right. I thank God every day, that we have the medicine that we DO have…much different from our parents’ generation. Thank you so much for your kinds words. It means a lot for me to have y’all lifting me up! I hope that it DOES help others see that they aren’t alone…and they CAN open up and visit with others about these conditions. Have a wonderful week Jen…and I’ll keep you in my prayers. 😀
My sweet friend Tammy, I wish I could lift you out of this funk. I wish I could take away your RA, too. Please know that you’re in my thoughts and prayers. Thanks for speaking from your heart. I’m sure there are many who have read this and found comfort knowing they’re not alone! {{ Big Hugs }}
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Thank you Jennifer! It helps me to think that it might be helpful to even one other person. You’re such a great friend…I love y’all so much. Thank you for being there for me! 😀
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Tammy, you are such a sweet soul and such a wonderful person. Thank you for sharing of yourself so deeply. Depression is something that sneaks up on me, too. Usually out of nowhere I just feel like I want to dig a hole and climb in. Christmas is such a time of joy but can be a truly sad time for many. When I was a young mom and my oldest son was only 2 my mother was killed by a drunk driver before coming to my house for a party. Sometimes just hearing her favorite Christmas song will throw me into a total tizzy that lasts for days. I will keep you in my prayers and my thoughts, always, for your mental health, your physical health and for some good ole JOY to overtake you. xoxo mb
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Mary Beth…You are just so amazing. You are precious to me…and you and Jennifer have been so sweet. Thank y’all so much for all your love and support. I still have you in my prayers every day…You are awesome! Thank You! 😀
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Hello Tammy!!!
As with everyon elses’ comment, I am sure, I also suffer from depression. My last doc told me I was manic depressive…whatever that means!! I suffer from the same types of pain you do…back and osteo arthritis and my hands and eyes are starting to change and thinking maybe MS…but whatever…anyways…I say MY depression is from pain…NOT the pain is CAUSED by depression..anyways girl….chin up…get to baking or painting something.some furniture, wall trim..whatever. I make cards and there are weeks it gets bad that I dont even want to KNOW about a card! I dont have a working car or $ and I live in my hubbies’ house away from my old friends so…it is just me and the animals….but I sing, dance or an act of dance!! whatever I can muster or watch you tube for new ideas and then get back to my cards and such!! Good luck sweetie and thanks for sharing….there are a ton of us out there….I think mine is just from men!! LOL Merry Christmas to you and loads of hugs and prayers!!! Xoxox Pam
Oh Pam, I’m so sorry you suffer from this horrid problem. I appreciate your kind words more than you’ll ever know. I know it’s really difficult for many people this time of year. Usually this is my favorite winter holiday…and I perk up just a bit during the month of Dec…hopefully it will kick in soon! I hate to hear about your problems…I guess part of my pain could be from depression…but either way it stinks! I’ll keep you in my prayers for relief too! Thank you so much for your support… 😀
Saying a prayer for you dear one. I completely understand and I’m asking God to give you space for serenity this holiday season…your friends will be here when you get back xo
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Robin, Thank you. I’ve been so blessed with wonderful friends…and new friends that I meet through my site. It’s been awesome sharing the linky party with y’all…and getting to know more wonderful bloggers. Thank you so much for being so precious! 😀
Tammy,
It’s hard to find someone who gets out and is severely depressed. Some think they have severe depression yet when you talk to them they don’t really know what severe depression is like. When you only want to stay inside, not do your daily chores, have aches and pains, want to sleep or stay up all night. So terribly many symptom’s. Illness caused partly by the depression and you don’t understand sometimes where it comes from. Then when troubles hit you are so compressed, you just want to fold into yourself and vanish. Right now the medication isn’t helping me and every day is a horrible struggle. My Dr. has been sick and out of the office for about 3 months and I don’t know how much longer I can hang on. I have had the ECT Treatments about 14 yrs. ago and he talks about it again. The thing standing in the way is the lose of memory, mine was pretty bad. I hope that you can say that you are dealing better than I am. I really hate the thought of someone out suffering with this more than I am currently. Thanks for letting me vent and feel free to do so yourself.
Thanks,
Vickie
Oh Vickie, I’m so sorry. Yes, depression is crippling. It’s so hard to understand for many people, how it gets this bad. Medications work really well for some…and not for others. I sure wish…wishing, would make it go away….we’d all be wonderful. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you so much for stopping by! ~Tammy